CaRLeE AiKeN (anti_x_love) wrote,

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Don't wast your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head. I miss you

This was a pretty ok week I guess. It started out really good.. and went downhill from there.

Monday was like.. the best Valentines Day EVER. Haha. maybe.
Erica brought us all roses and Emily gave me a Dove chocolate rose thing. Mmm.
I did my Peer Counseling collage. OMG. It was so bad. I wasn't nervous at all.. but when I got up there I just went blank. The only thing I could really talk about was Jana.. lol. And I cried about her accident again =(. But yeah.. I barely talked about anything.
And then in third hour we got singing telegrams. OMG I love them so much! They're so funny! And I got kisses from Emily. So when I got my kisses.. I started to get so nervous because I knew that Ricky either got mine already or was getting mine soon.
So then at lunch.. I was sitting there wondering if he was gonna come say anything. And all of a sudden.. he came into the ampitheatre and started running to my table. He came over and hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek and just kept telling me how sweet it was and everything. =)
Then Bobby was like "Hey Ricky.. you still have your heart" and he was like "Yeah... " and Bobby was like "Hey! Carlee.. you still have your heart too!" and so Ricky goes "Wanna trade?" lol. It sounds so dumb.. but it was so adorable! So I was in my glory for the rest of the day. Haha.
Then tuesday we did this decision making lesson in Peer Counceling and Mrs Lashbrook was talking about how you can reverse almost every decision you make.. if you later decide that it was a bad decision. lol. But she said if you don't decide to do whatever it is your thinking about doing.. You'll never know what could have happened. So when I went home.. me and Jana were talking about Ricky. About how hes WAY too scared to ever say he liked me even if he did. And how someone else might tell him that they like him first and I'll lose my chance. And a bunch of stuff. So we wrote him a note.. lol. It was a good note. It wasn't obnoxious or anything.. and it said that I liked having him as a friend.. and stuff like that.
I also got my little friend on Tuesday which was SO weird cause I had her last month too! lol.
So Wednesday.. I was gonna give it to him after 1st hour. But some stupid kid decieded to put powder in a ziplock bag and put it in the computer lab. So.. we had an "anthrax scare" and all of the classes had to get out of the English hallway. So for second hour I had to go to the auditorium. A really funny thing happened with Melisa and Brent.. lol..
And I was talking to Mrs. Lashbrook about how I was gonna "decide to do my decision" but couldn't because I didn't see him after 1st hour. lol.
So then after 2nd hour.. when I was standing with Kara.. he came over and was talking to me.. so I got brave.. and I was like "Hey.. I uuuh wrote you a note" lol. OMG it was SOOOO hard to give it to him.. so then I just walked to third hour.. pretty much a nervous wreck. And so until lunch I felt like I was gonna throw up. Im surprised I didn't. And at lunch I couldnt even move. I was SOO nervous. So I finally saw him coming over and I was like shaking. And he ran over like he did on monday. It was cute and he gave me a big hug and sat next to me and was saying how brave that was and how cute it was and how he thought something was going on. Then he said how we should deffinatley hang out more and THEN he said "but I think we should just be friends" which crushed me.
I felt better about telling him.. But I was so upset. And I didn't really say much the rest of lunch. So when I went to 4th hour.. Yelena asked me what was wrong and when I told her she was like "aww don't be upset" so.. naturally.. I cried. I hate crying in front of people. It wasnt like lose control crying.. It was just kind of like my eyes were watering. I was so sad =(. And I think Ricky's friend Mark saw me which is bad. Then I took the hardest test ever! Then I saw him after class and smiled.. cause I didn't wanna look stupid and he smiled too but like a "Im sorry Im such a jerk but Im not really one" smile.. lol.
Then I found Emily and we talked to her "cousin" and as we were walking to my moms car I cried again cause Im a big baby. lol. Then we went to my house and watched some Jimmy Fallon. AND WE'RE BAAAAAAAAACK lol.
Then we went over to Mr. Mullers house. It was fun. Instead of doing our project we watched the OC. lol.
Then I went home and felt sorry for myself. I was watching Days and waiting for Jana and my mom to get home with dinner when my phone wrang. I didn't recognize the number but I answered anyway and as soon as I did I realized who it was... Ricky. He was like "Hey Carlee! Whats up?......... its Ricky" lol. And he was like "so... uuh. how was your day?" and I was like "It was fine" (even though I was totally lying!) and he was like "I reealy hope I didnt ruin it. Im so sorry." and I was like "its ok. realy" lol. and we talked for like 15.. 20 minutes. It made it so much easier. It was so nice of him too. He said we're gonna hang out this weekend.. but he hasn't called. So.. We'll see. But it deffinatley made it not weird. Because now he knows how I feel and I know how he feels.. and we're gonna hang out more. So its all good.

Then thursday I felt sick all day cause of my "friend" and left during Terls class.. which she didn't seem to be too happy about. Whatever. Then I bought Raise Your Voice.. even though Ive never seen it. lol.
Jana took me and Wa to Coldstones before OC. lol. So that was good.
Then I went to sleep at like 10 cause I just didnt feel good.
Yesterday I had to go to rehearsal. SO fun.. lol. NOT.
Then last night me and Ashley hung out! It was fun. She came over and we had chinese food and then we went to get Java Chips! And then when we got back.. the plan was to wait a half hour for Jana and then watch Raise Your Voice... but instead we called our friends.. and talked to them. lol. It was so fun!

Then after 5 hours of sleep.. I got to come here! The Hall of Fame. SO fun! At least Im getting paid though. Thats good. And Lori's gonna give me service hours.. so thats good too!

Ok well.. I g2g now. But maybe I'll update late. Love yooous! MUUAHS

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